Helping Elderly Parents Face the Loss of Independence

For many, one of the most challenging aspects of aging is the loss of independence that occurs for physical or psychological reasons. When your body just doesn’t do what it used to do, but you have a keen mind and want to be active, it can be very frustrating. Mental and emotional challenges can also cause a loss of independence, even if your body is capable.

If you’re helping elderly parents face the loss of independence, it’s important to restore a sense of control. Here are some things to consider as you help your parent(s) during this stage of life.

1. Be Patient

Your parents will need time to acknowledge and process what’s happening. It’s not an easy adjustment, and what you can “see” right away may take them some time to come to terms with.

2. Be Realistic

It’s a good idea to be honest with yourself so that you can move forward effectively. And the fact of the matter is, unless you’re dealing with a temporary injury, this loss of independence is not something your parent is going to recover from and go back to “normal.” Instead, a more dependent parent is the “new normal” at this point. Just recognizing that fact can help you feel less frustrated, as you might feel if you’re waiting for things to get better and go back the way they were.

3. Be Prepared for Depression – and Be Understanding

While you’ve not been in their shoes, try to understand how your parents feel about the situation. If you can’t relate to their specific circumstances, you can probably relate to their feelings. It’s important to realize that depression – and its many manifestations – can be a very common aspect of aging and losing independence.

4. Maintain Relationships

Try to help your parents keep up with friends and family, even if it means doing things differently. You might need to drive them to family events or arrange get-togethers with friends, but it’s important to help your parents keep those relationships and forge new ones, too.

5. Listen

It may be tempting to “just do it” and take control of the situation (or try to), but take a minute to listen to your parents’ suggestions. It’s not a good idea to automatically assume they don’t know what they’re talking about (that’s what we thought about our parents when we were teens!). Besides, if you listen to their suggestions, then they should be more open to listening to you. See what they have to say about easing the burden and managing the “new normal.”

It’s hard to watch your parents lose independence, and it’s hard for them to experience it. With a little sympathy and thought, though, it can be a bit easier.