Coping Strategies: When an Elderly Parent Moves In With You
It can be really hard to cope when you have an elderly parent move in with you. Even if you are fortunate enough to have separate quarters for your aging parent, it’s still stressful. For those who have their parent move into a small home that already has little room, it can seem like torture.
What can you do to cope? Here are some tips that may help.
Respite Care
“Respite care” basically means that you hire someone to take over while you get some respite. Depending on your aging parent’s needs, you may need this daily, weekly, or monthly; but it can be a great relief to have someone else step in for a while.
You can hire a professional caregiver or a trusted friend, once again depending on your parent’s level of care. Sources agree that you should ask for references before leaving someone alone with your parent.
Find a Creative Outlet
Maybe you could take a dance class, or spend an hour or two each week writing or drawing. Maybe you like making jewelry. Try to find something that you enjoy and make a point of engaging in it regularly. Here are some other ideas:
* Start a blog. It doesn’t have to be about your experiences with your aging parent (although it certainly could be); it could be a stargazer’s blog, or an outlet for humorous writing. Maybe you want to showcase your photography or poetry. Blogs can act as an online journal.
* Join a Yoga, Pilates, or belly-dancing class.
* Work with clay.
Let Go of the Guilt
You may need counseling to help you with this one, but experts agree that many older children feel guilty about their aging parents’ situations. It’s natural to feel guilty, but it can be detrimental if you live in the guilt and beat yourself up all the time. Forgive yourself for not having the perfect solutions (no one does), and realize that you are just doing the best you can.
Find a Support Group
Connecting with others who are in similar situations can be a wonderful coping mechanism. Such groups can also be excellent resources for other forms of help, such as respite caregivers.
Listen
If your parent’s mental capacity will allow it, take time to talk to and listen to them. Ask your dad how he feels about living with you, and listen to his answers. Ask your mom about what she’s thinking about being in your house. Really listen to their concerns and be sympathetic to their situation. They may not want to be burdening you at all, and may have their own sense of guilt about what’s going on.
As you talk and listen, you can hopefully work out some “ground rules” too (again, depending on your parent’s mental capacity). Boundaries are important in all areas of life, but they are particularly important when you have to share time, resources, and space with another person.