What to Do If Your Toddler Hits You When Angry

Toddlers can get frustrated easily. They have big feelings that can seem overwhelming to them, especially since they have so little life experience and have not learned many coping mechanisms.

Sometimes, frustration and anger come out as hitting. What are you supposed to do? Being hit by their toddler can cause some parents to become quite angry themselves, making it hard to act rationally. So it’s a good idea to read up on what kind of things you can do in order to give you, the adult, something to resort to in order to keep from having a tantrum yourself.
Here are some tips and ideas as to what you can do if your toddler hits you.

Don’t Hit Back

While you may have heard that hitting your toddler in return shows him “how it feels” or just makes you, the parent, feel better, most experts do not recommend this approach.

For one thing, toddlers really don’t have the ability to feel much empathy yet, and a lesson in “this is what it feels like when you hit me” will probably be lost on him. For another thing, hitting your toddler in return sets the stage for inappropriate hitting on the part of the parent that may escalate into abuse before you know what’s happening.

And finally, hitting your toddler in return sets a poor example; it’s said that toddlers end up doing what you do more than doing what you say.

Identify the Feeling

Remember, your toddler is overwhelmed and may not know what is happening or what she’s doing. As the parent, your primary role is to stay calm and in control. Then, you can help your toddler identify what she’s feeling. You might say, “Whoa! You hit Mom because you are so angry. Everyone gets angry, but we don’t hit. Hitting hurts!”

Even though empathetic understanding is limited in toddlers, it wouldn’t hurt to underscore the example you’re showing by identifying your own emotions to your toddler: “When you hit Mom, it hurts and makes me angry. But I did not hit you just because I was angry. I said it instead!” This not only sets a visible example, but it also gives your child a key as to what she is supposed to do when angry – say it, don’t hit it!

Know the Signs

If your toddler has a tendency to hit you when angry, a little prevention can go a long way. Watch for signs that he is getting frustrated – maybe he can’t open something, can’t reach something, or can’t locate a favorite toy. He may begin to make frustrated sounds and gestures, and it often helps for you to step in and help before the situation escalates into an angry outburst with hitting.

Also, make sure meals are generally at the same time, and be willing to let your toddler have healthy snacks between meals to keep blood sugar even.

Top Tips to Prevent Bedwetting

The technical term for bedwetting is “enuresis,” but regardless of what it’s called, most parents and some kids just want it to stop!

Once you’ve talked to your pediatrician about the possible causes of your child’s bedwetting and are getting appropriate treatment and help, you can employ a number of helpful habits to prevent more bedwetting. Also, parents who are concerned that their child might begin bedwetting can make use of these tips to help keep bedwetting from ever happening.

Fluids

Let’s face it – the more you drink, the more you pee, and the same goes for kids. Depriving a child of water is not recommended; after all, adequate fluid intake is vital to anyone’s health. Some guidelines regarding fluid intake can be observed safely, however, such as:

* No fluids for two hours before bed (you might have to start this one gradually, beginning with no fluids an hour before bedtime and working your way up)

* Cut back on salt at dinnertime. Salt makes you thirsty, and depriving your body of fluids when it needs them is not only terribly uncomfortable, but might jeopardize health. So avoid salty dinners and snacks.

* Cut back on sugar after dinner, as sugar also tends to make you thirsty.

* Increase fluid intake during the day so that your child’s body gets the water it needs and is not craving liquids in the evening.

* Limit or cut out caffeine, as sources say it stimulates the kidneys to produce more urine (it acts as a diuretic). Caffeine is found in soft drinks, chocolate, tea, coffee, and cocoa.

* Beware of watery foods like watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, and other foods that have a high water content. These are best avoided after dinner. Also, some foods are natural diuretics and are best avoided at dinnertime and after: celery, asparagus, and artichokes are some such foods.

Timing

Make sure your child goes to the bathroom before bed – right before bed. If your child uses the toilet and then takes his bath, brushes his teeth, puts on his pajamas, and gets into bed ready for his story, his bladder won’t be completely empty when he goes to sleep. Thus, make sure your child uses the toilet after the “bedtime ritual” is nearly complete. Using the toilet can become part of that routine if it helps your child.

Some children do well with a chart or other reminder about their bedtime routine. If your child is very young, use a chart with pictures to depict the steps in the routine. Make sure the toilet is the last picture before sleep!

Strategies for Coping with Back-to-School Anxiety

When kids experience anxiety about going back to school, it can have an effect on parents as well. It seems like there’s nothing you can do, and the closer the first day of school gets, the more miserable parents and kids feel. Some practical tips on how to ease this anxiety, though, can help alleviate the back-to-school fears. Here are some ideas.

Try to Understand

Maybe you didn’t ever suffer from this kind of anxiety as a child; or maybe you did, but you still just want your child to get over it. However, just getting annoyed and telling your child to get over it is not necessarily productive, and may actually make anxiety worse.

Psychologists recommend a bit of understanding – while the anxiety should not be “calling the shots,” the fact that your child is feeling very real fear should be respected. Your child needs some coping mechanisms, and that means you need to address the fear rather than denying it.

Putting Things in Perspective

School can seem big and scary to a child. Psychologists recommend “putting the fear in its place” – identify the fear and give your child power over it. Give the fear a name, such as the Worry Worm, to help your child know when it’s the anxiety talking, not reality.

Tell your child that the Worry Worm says things that aren’t true (something bad will happen to me if I go to school), but your child can tell the Worry Worm to back off because he or she knows the truth (you’re safe at school). For older kids and teens, you can identify the fear in a more age-appropriate way.

Know Your Teacher

It can make all the difference if your child knows their teacher. Try to set up more than one meeting with the teacher before the school year starts, so your child will be going to see a familiar face. Take a tour or two of the school and the new classroom, too.

Therapy

It’s possible that your child may need therapy to help overcome his fear of going back to school. Your child’s teacher has probably seen this before, and may have references for you. You could also ask your family doctor or pediatrician for a referral to a psychologists and/or therapist. If you choose to go the therapy route, it’s a good idea to start a month or more before school starts, and perhaps continue the therapy during the year.

Be Confident

Sometimes, parents can inadvertently “feed” their child’s anxiety. If you are anxious about your child’s anxiety, it can make the situation worse. Try to be confident in your child’s ability to make it through the school day. While understanding your child’s feelings is important, inflating them is not. Let your child know she can do it by being confident and decisive in leaving her.

Saying Goodbye

Some experts recommend a “goodbye ritual” to help ease transitions back into school. This can help a child feel more secure – if you say goodbye the same way every day, then perhaps your child will be more confident that you will return the same way, too.

Try coming up with something unique to your relationship with your child – a special handshake, phrase, or promise for later in the day (just make sure you follow through on any promise).

The Importance of Teaching Manners to Kids

“Say thank you,” “Sit up straight,” “Shake hands,” “Say please”…Most of us heard phrases like this as we grew up, because our parents were teaching us manners. Many of us do the same thing with our children. But why do we bother? What is so important about teaching manners, anyway?

For one thing, having good manners meet a social expectation – kids are expected to have good manners, and they and their parents earn more respect when they do. Another thing to consider is the role good manners play in your children’s future.

What Manners Do

At the heart of good manners is a respect for oneself and others. Good manners convey a sense of respect for the sensibilities of other people. When you say “thank you,” you’re taking the time to make the other person feel appreciated. Saying “please” respects a person’s right not to do what you’ve asked (it’s not so demanding with a “please” attached).

Good manners also show that a child listens to his parents and does what he is taught – these are good character traits that teachers and other authority figures appreciate. Manners convey quite a bit of information!

Manners and the Future

You do your children such a big favor when you teach them good manners. From bosses to girlfriends, good manners can make or break an opportunity. For instance, if your child is up for his first job and his credentials match another candidate’s, the more polite and mannerly candidate may end up with the job.

If your child wants to ask a particular girl out, she may refuse a relationship if your child has bad manners. Even before those adult scenarios, your younger child may find that good manners go a long way in endearing himself to teachers, coaches, and peers.

Simply put, your child may be more successful in life in general if he has good manners.

The Big Picture

It’s not just your child’s future that is affected by her manners; it’s her parents’ reputation and, ultimately, the civility of the culture and society in which we live. While no one is perfect, imagine a culture where good manners just don’t exist – not a pleasant thought! Good manners set a standard of behavior against which other behavior can be measured, which helps keep order and civility in society.

So it would seem that teaching your kids good manners has significant implications. It’s worth noting, too, that good manners modeled in the home can go a long way toward teaching them. In other words, rather than nagging about manners, just do them – then your kids learn that good manners are “just the way it’s done.”

Teaching Family Values to Your Family

It’s easy to talk about instilling family values in your household, but just how to do it can be a little confusing. However, it need not be difficult. With a few basic yet specific approaches and ideas, teaching family values can be incorporated into your everyday life.

What Are “Family Values”?

Generally speaking, the term “family values” usually refers to positive character traits such as honesty, forgiveness, respect, responsibility, patience, empathy, and generosity. How these play out and what form they take varies from family to family.

For instance, one family might interpret “responsibility” as caring for the environment and taking responsibility for a clean neighborhood and healthy planet. In another family, responsibility may be more of a financial nature, referring to responsible money habits. And of course, it could mean both in the same family.

So how do you teach these things? First, think about what these values mean to your family. Does “honesty” mean never telling a lie? Or does it mean being up-front with your feelings and thoughts? What about patience – does that refer to delayed gratification, or being tolerant of others’ quirks?

Once you get an idea of how these values look in your family, you can begin instilling them. Here is some advice on how to do that.

Lead by Example

You may think your family isn’t watching, but they are. If you find it hard to instill patience and tolerance in your kids, maybe they are seeing the opposite modeled in you. Do you have angry outbursts at other drivers when you are on the road? Do you get annoyed when your kids take too long to get ready to go somewhere? Maybe you are not generous with your time or money.

Take a look at your own behavior, and when you modify it, point it out. “Oh, that person cut me off in this traffic! Normally I would get mad about that, but I am choosing to keep calm. Maybe that person has a family emergency going on.” This brings us to another family value that’s come to the forefront lately: empathy.

Teaching Empathy

As in the example above, discuss possible and realistic scenarios for people’s behavior. This will help your children form those “pathways” in their minds so that when someone is frustrating or aggravating, their minds may turn automatically to empathetic thoughts, such as “Maybe she is having a really bad day,” or “That person may be nasty because she lost a loved one recently.”

Try to tie it in with your family’s experiences – “Remember when you (the child) were really upset and didn’t want to talk when your pet died? Maybe that person didn’t talk to you because his pet just died.”

A lot of family values come down to relationships with other people – treating people kindly, being honest and responsible with other’s time, and so forth. The first relationship experiences we have are in our families; therefore, leading by example and taking care to verbalize and explain how and why we act the way we do can go a long way in making family values an integral part of your family members’ lives.

Fantastic Party Themes for a Summer Birthday

There are all kinds of possibilities for summer birthday themes! Your child’s age, the weather, and your budget are all factors, but in this list you’re sure to find something that will work for your child’s birthday. Here are some ideas.

Beach Party

This theme can be adapted to various ages. For toddlers and preschoolers, guests can wear their swimsuits and play in a sandbox and kids’ pool. Older kids can dress in swimwear as well, but they may like to bring beach towels, wear big hats, and play beach music.

Rather than a sandbox, older kids may enjoy sand spread out on a tarp and a sprinkler set up nearby. Decorations could include beach balls, plastic shovels and buckets, shells, and sea life figures and shapes such as starfish and octopi. Guests can have a sandcastle building contest.

For favors, guests can make a craft using shells and sand glued to picture frames. Or they can make mini beach scenes inside clam shells: mix together glue and sand to use as a base for mini umbrellas, tiny shells, strips of fabric that look like mini beach towels, and so forth.

Bubbles

Toddlers and preschoolers especially seem to love bubbles. This theme works best outdoors. Fill a wading pool with some bubble solution, and set out hula hoops and bubble wands of various sizes for everyone. Set up other “bubble stations,” too, with smaller pans of bubble solution and other shapes of bubble wand.

Clear beach balls and white or clear balloons make theme-appropriate decorations. Clear balls could also make good favors for guests.

Cookout/Campout

In your local park or backyard, build a bonfire and let guests roast marshmallows and hotdogs. Older kids will really enjoy this “campout” experience. If space and budget allow, you could make it an overnight with tents and so forth. Younger kids, with appropriate adult supervision, may also enjoy this outdoor theme. Guests can hike, sing songs, and play games like Frisbee and badminton.

Luau

Summer birthdays lend themselves to a luau theme, which can work for young and older kids alike. For toddlers and preschoolers, a luau theme could be something like the beach party above, with “grass” skirts and leis which can function as costumes and favors. They can usually be purchased for very little, too.

Serve drinks in novelty containers with mini paper umbrellas, and of course have hula dancing. Rather than a wading pool, older kids might enjoy this theme around an actual pool.

Stranger Danger – How to Talk to Your Kids

Talking about this unpleasant subject can seem awkward at times. How do you tell your child there are very real dangers out there without making him or her paranoid? For children who tend to be anxious, it can be even trickier. But there are some approaches that may help communicate your message without making things sound too scary. Here are some tips.

Books

At your local library, ask the librarian or do a search to find books on stranger danger. Look through them and choose ones you think are most appropriate for your child. The books can help introduce the subject, and good ones can present the issue in gentle but effective ways.

A Practical Approach

Experts note that children feel empowered when they have tools and a plan at their disposal. When you talk about the possible dangers of strangers, end the discussion with a practical plan. Some aspects of your plan may include the following:

* If a stranger approaches you and asks for help – i.e. directions, money, etc. – leave immediately and find an adult to help. If the need is legitimate, the stranger will be glad for an adult to help.

* Have a secret code word or phrase that you only share with your child and people you trust. When approached by a stranger, teach your child to ask for the secret code. If the stranger does not know it, walk away.

* Don’t leave your surroundings, friends, and family. A stranger might try to lure your child away from an outdoor birthday party, play date, sibling’s soccer game, or other event. Teach your child to be aware of her surroundings and not walk away alone or with anyone who is not an approved guardian.

Caution, Not Fear

Your child is probably going to want to know what a stranger would do to him, or why he should be cautious around them. There’s no need to go into sordid detail; just tell your child that some strangers are mean, and because you don’t know which ones are the mean ones, you have to be cautious around them all. It’s not necessary (and could even be harmful) to scare your child as a means to keep him safe.

Keep It Simple

Keep directions and instructions about strangers simple. In fact, some sources suggest not really getting into the whole “stranger” thing, but just telling your child that you must know where she is at every moment; you or the designated caregiver must be able to see her at all times.

This includes the bathroom in public places, too – molesters and pedophiles claim they molest many children by luring them into a public bathroom. If the child in your charge is the opposite sex, take him or her into your gender’s bathroom.

Speech Therapy – When Should You Consider It?

When a child does not reach a milestone “on time,” it can make parents anxious. Even though you may understand that children develop at different rates, it can still be worrisome if your child doesn’t speak on time.

There is a time when speech therapy is appropriate, and other times when it’s simply a matter of your child not being ready yet. How is a parent to know? And if speech therapy is indicated, how do you proceed? Here are some tips and ideas.

What’s “Normal”?

According to experts and various sources, the following milestones are considered “normal” for babies and toddlers.

* Under a year of age, it’s considered normal for babies to interact verbally with their environment by making sounds. These are the precursors of speech.

* At around 12 to 15 months of age, babies begin to mimic the sounds of their native language, and they begin saying single words. They can follow simple, one-step directions.

* From 18 months to 2 years is the time when vocabulary increases and toddlers begin to put two words together, like “ball round.”

* Between 2 and 3 years, speech usually “takes off.” Vocabulary and comprehension increase. If your child is, for example, 3 years old and only putting two words together, that might be considered a delay and require therapy.

A Combination of Factors

Some experts point out that speech delay alone is not necessarily cause for concern, but speech delay accompanied by other issues might be more serious. For example, if your child is “behind schedule” for speech and also exhibits other unusual behaviors, it might mean it’s time for therapy. Such unusual behaviors could include:

* Lack of non-verbal communication, such as eye contact, smiles, babbling, and other socially engaging behaviors
* An inability to follow directions, or even hear them
* Poor memory, particularly short-term
* Extreme frustration when trying to speak

3. Talk to the Prospective Therapist

If you have concerns about your child’s speech development, a good place to start would probably be your pediatrician. He or she can give you an opinion regarding whether or not speech therapy is indicated, and can recommend a speech therapist if necessary.

It also wouldn’t hurt to get a second or even third opinion from another pediatrician, and you might want to talk to other therapists besides the one your pediatrician recommends. When it comes to getting your child the help he or she needs, it pays to be a little choosy. When you are looking for a therapist, here are some things to keep in mind:

* Does the therapist have a demeanor that you like and feel you could work with?
* Does your child seem to “take” to the therapist?
* What kind of approach does the therapist use?

If you have any “bad vibes” or just aren’t comfortable with a therapist, it’s okay to keep looking.

Is My Child Ready for Preschool?

Preschool is intended to prepare your child for kindergarten and schooling in general. It’s a way for children to learn social skills and some basics like color names, shapes, and the alphabet. How do you know if your child is ready for preschool? Here are some tips and advice on how to recognize your child’s readiness for preschool.

Ability to Separate

Some separation anxiety is understandable for preschoolers, but your child may not be ready for preschool if he seems traumatized by separating from you. Even a child who is comfortable being separated from the primary parent for a time may be fearful of a preschool setting, where there is a new adult and a large number of kids to deal with. If your child is fairly comfortable being away from you and interacting with other kids, he might be ready for preschool.

Basic Skills

Depending on the requirements for your local preschool, a mastery of basic skills is generally expected. Being able to follow directions, use the toilet, and speak at least a few words together to communicate needs are some of the skills your child should master in order to be ready for preschool.

Transitions

Does your preschooler have a “fit” when you want to change activities or when it’s time to leave a place where she’s enjoying herself? If so, it’s possible she’s not ready. Preschool activities change throughout the day, so it’s a good idea to make sure your child can make transitions fairly smoothly before starting preschool.

Observing the Class

Pay a visit to your local preschool when it’s active and in progress. See how your child reacts to the environment and the stimulation, and observe how the teacher and children interact. Does the teacher(s) seem like someone your child would like? Are you comfortable with them? Also note the children themselves – would your child “fit in” with these kids? Does he seem to have similar skills? Does he show an interest and want to participate?

Independence

Of course preschools don’t expect your child to do everything herself; she’s not going to be driving up in her own car! But a certain amount of independence is a good indicator that she may be ready for preschool. See if she can stick to a task on her own without asking for help, or if she can wash her hands and eat on her own.

These are just some of the signs to look for regarding your child’s preschool readiness. Ultimately, the decision is up to you. And remember, if your child does not go to preschool or goes later than some children, experts say it is not likely to cause any lasting negative effects.

Top Tips for Raising a Successful Student

Studies have shown that parental involvement and an educational, intellectually-stimulated home environment can improve your child’s chance at being a successful student. How can you accomplish this? Here are some tips.

Education Is All Around Us

Parents can prepare a child for loving learning by helping their child open her eyes to the learning opportunities around her. Include your child in as many activities and errands as you can, pointing out interesting information along the way.

Depending on the age of your child, you can point out various things and discuss them. If you see a fountain, for example, talk about how the water pump works. At the grocery store, talk about where food comes from, how cheese is made, or what makes a vegetable so brightly colored. Outside in nature, there are learning opportunities everywhere, from watching birds to collecting leaves. Open your own eyes to what’s around, and teach your child about it!

Reading

Many parents dream of having a reading prodigy. But the point really shouldn’t be about showing off; it’s about equipping your child to be the best student he can be, now and in the future. Read aloud to your child regularly, and pay lots of visits to the library. Let your child pick out books that interest him, and pick up a few you think he’d like too. Incorporate reading into your daily routine so it becomes a habit.

Habits

Did you ever hear about “study habits” when you were in school? It does seem to be true that once something becomes a habit, it feels less like a chore.

If your child has trouble settling down and doing her homework, try to make it a regular thing that happens at the same time each day. It may be a struggle at first, but consider combining homework time with a snack and drink, or other “settling in” aid (distractions such as TV or music are not recommended, but quiet instrumental music is generally considered okay).

It’s a good idea to set aside a special area that is your child’s own space, such as a favorite chair or window-side location. Once this routine becomes established, your student may gravitate toward the homework area from force of habit, even if she doesn’t have any homework that day!

Know Your Child

Experts suggest fostering your child’s interests to help develop a love of learning. This means really getting to know your child and what he enjoys rather than trying to get him to like something you think he should.

Of course, not every school subject is going to capture his fancy; but seizing on his interests and learning about them may help develop research skills and a love of learning that your child can apply in other scholastic areas.

How to Protect Your Child

If you’re flinching because your teen’s music is too loud, or if you find yourself leaving the room as your toddler plays with a noisy toy, remember that sources report children and teens have shorter ear canals, making them more susceptible to damage from noises that may just be annoying to an adult. The ear is, unfortunately, susceptible to sudden, irreversible damage.

There are concerns, too, that excessive noise may damage more than just your child’s hearing. “Noise pollution” can adversely affect a child’s health, sources say, affecting their nervous and circulatory systems.

Protecting your child’s hearing requires awareness and some practical steps. Here are some tips.

How Loud Is Too Loud?

Sound is measured in decibels (dBs). Your dishwasher probably runs at a noise level around 60dB. Double that for the sound of a jet, which is 120 dBs. Fireworks go off at about 140 dBs, and most concerts and live car races are around 110 dBs.

Most sources agree that noises over 80 dBs, especially prolonged or repeated exposure to that noise, can cause hearing damage…in adults. For children, hearing damage may occur at lower dBs. An MP3 player at full volume is about 100 dBs, and some children’s toys such as cap guns have been measured at 115 dBs.

So What Should You Do?

* Turn down stereos and television. If you have trouble hearing and need to turn up the volume, look into earphones or other means by which you can listen without exposing everyone in the household to the noise.

* Treat ear infections promptly – they can result in hearing damage if allowed to go on for too long.

* Toys do not need to make noise to be fun; remove batteries or remove the noise-making parts from the toy.

* Provide ear protection when you know your baby or child will be exposed to loud noises, such as car and truck races, concerts, fireworks, and so forth. Keep these ear protectors with you, especially if you will be in a city or where there might be unexpected loud noises (ambulances produce 130 dBs of noise). A set of ear protectors can be purchased at many sports and music stores.

When it comes to noise reduction and hearing protection, it’s not just about the noise you block out – it’s also about the quiet you implement. Allow time for quiet in your child’s life each day.

Preparing Your Child for Kindergarten

Many parents want to know what they can do to prepare their child for kindergarten. This concern is understandable; going to kindergarten is a big step, and whether your child has been in preschool or not, kindergarten is a milestone. Here are some ideas and tips on how you can prepare your child for his or her first kindergarten experience.

Visit

Perhaps this is obvious, but it’s still something that parents may not think of. It’s a good idea to arrange a tour of the kindergarten and school, meet the teacher, and get a feel for the school’s layout. If possible, eat a meal in the cafeteria and spend enough time at the school to get oriented. Check for the location of bathrooms, the school nurse, and, of course, the classroom. Try to arrange more than one tour and meeting with the teacher so it becomes more familiar.

Following Directions

Kindergarten involves following directions. Teachers do not have time to shadow each child and see that she does what’s requested. Practice giving your child simple directions with multiple steps, such as, “Go into the kitchen, get your shoes, and bring them in here, please.” You can try making it into a game by timing how long it takes her to follow through.

Listening Skills

A kindergartner needs to listen to instructions, whether it’s on a field trip or in the classroom. Some children seem to “tune out” and not listen, so honing these skills is a good idea before kindergarten. Make sure your child does not interrupt conversations, and practice waiting to speak. While we’re no longer in the “children must be seen and not heard” era, experts have noted children’s tendency to interrupt and speak before listening. It’s also a good idea to practice raising hands and being called on before speaking.

Social Skills

It’s been said that kindergarten is just as much (if not more) about socialization as it is academic skills. Prepare for this by getting your child into some group activities. It does not have to be complicated, but regular interactions with others – particularly other children – can help prepare your child for the social interactions of kindergarten.

The Basics

Experts agree that there’s no need for flashcards for preschoolers. But brushing up on basic skills is a good idea so your child is ready. Making it fun and part of everyday life, teach your child shapes, colors, counting, and contact information such as his address, phone number, and the spelling of his name.

Read

Daily reading time is considered very important for reading preparation. Sources suggest spending 20 to 30 minutes a day (at least) reading to your child. Take her to the library with you and choose books together, and attend read-alouds with other children if they are available in your area.

Writing Preparation

Handwriting can be challenging for some kindergarteners. To help prepare, encourage the formation of letters with chalk on the driveway, or have your child form letters with strips of clay.

When Parents Feel Separation Anxiety

When you think of separation anxiety, does your mind turn to clingy toddlers, fearful preschoolers, or upset gradeschoolers? While these are the types of people – children – that we tend to think of when we consider separation anxiety, parents can feel it, too.

Whether your child is going off to college and you’re facing an empty nest, or your child is starting preschool for the first time, some parents have a hard time coping with being separated from their children. When parents feel separation anxiety, there are some things you can do to help ease the separation. Here are some ideas.

Plan, Plan, Plan

And then plan some more! Parents tend to “walk in circles” after their child leaves, unsure how to spend their time. This is especially true if parents include their children in their daily activities and schedules. Open, unplanned time that used to be filled with your child can be anxiety-producing. So before the day your child leaves – even if the separation is just for a few hours – plan the day and how you’ll spend your time.

Since the separation from your child is likely to be a regular (or even semi-permanent) thing, plan your days that will follow the first separation, too.

While you’re keeping busy, try to schedule activities you haven’t gotten to do in a long time, or that you have wished you could do for a while. This can help you look forward to this “me time.” This is a great time to take that class or join that group!

Keep It Positive

When you are around your child, try not to communicate your anxiety. You shouldn’t be expected to stuff it all inside; your spouse, a therapist, pastor, friend, etc. can provide a listening ear. But your child benefits from seeing your confidence in his ability to be on his own. Try not to make her feel guilty, or be “clingy” in an adult way.

Letting Go

It’s tempting for parents with separation anxiety to become stifling, even remotely. In today’s world, there are more ways than ever for parents to “hover” and shadow their children. But it’s probably not a good idea to follow your child on every social network or insist that he call or send a text message every hour. Talk to other parents or professionals about what’s normal in this regard, and set up a sensible contact plan and stick to it.

Know Who’s in Charge

It might help your anxiety to know your child’s caregiver(s) well. Take some time to get to know teachers, camp counselors, or whoever your child is going to be around when she’s away from you. If your child is going to college, meet her roommate and some of her professors, particularly those in her chosen field. Then, once again, let it go – try to resist “harassing” teachers, caregivers, etc. by insisting on updates all the time.

How to Make Lunchboxes More Exciting

The daily packing of the lunchbox – many parents find this a bit of a chore, and many children are less than enthused about the same old thing for lunch every day. How can you make lunchbox food more interesting and exciting? Here are some ideas.

1. Sandwich-kabobs

Square sandwiches can get boring, and there’s only so much you can stack onto one. If you take sandwich ingredients and put them on a skewer, though, you get a fun-to-eat meal that can pack a lot of variety. Here are some suggestions:

* Bread and cheese cubes, fresh fruit
* Chicken chunks, cheese cubes, and grapes
* Tomato, mozzarella cheese, and turkey chunks
* Pineapple, ham, and Swiss cheese cubes
* Pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, bread cubes, and green peppers
* Cubes sandwich pieces (make the sandwich, then cut it into cubes), fruit, and vegetables

As you can see, the sandwich-kabob can come in many varieties!

2. Bento

This Japanese-inspired method of making food look beautiful can captivate children. Using shallow, food-safe boxes, you can create all kinds of fun and pretty shapes.

Raw apples can be sliced and cut into bunny rabbit shapes (half-moon slice with thin slices for “ears”); cooked rice can form a face surrounded by “curly hair” made from rolled lunch meat slices and earrings made from grapes. Strawberry slices can be arranged into fan or flower shapes; kiwi slices can make car or motorcycle wheels; cupcake papers filled with salad, fruit, vegetables, and so forth can be arranged into a caterpillar shape.

You may want to surprise your child, who will probably look forward to opening his or her lunchbox to see what fun shapes there are today. Bento is a very fun and creative way to make lunchbox meals more exciting! Look online for specific Bento principles and design ideas to get you started.

3. Shapes

The cookie cutter can become your friend as you seek new and interesting lunchbox foods. Use fun shapes to cut out slices of bread, cheese, melon, lunch meat, and anything else that’s flat and edible! Consider a variety of shapes and sizes so you can layer various shapes to make it more fun and interesting.

4. Separate Ingredients

Your child may be frustrated with his or her lunch because by the time lunchtime rolls around, the food in the lunchbox is messy and not very appetizing (jelly and juicy sandwich fillings soak into bread; hot foods get cold and tough; cold foods get limp and warm).

Try separating ingredients so your child can build their own sandwich or mix their own salad at school. Include an ice block (the kind that won’t sweat) to keep vegetables and fruits fresh and crisp, and use newspaper to insulate foods. Hot foods can be packed into a thermos or, if your child has access to a microwave, in microwave-safe containers.

Teaching Your Kids to Become Money Smart

Teaching your children how to handle money intelligently is a lifelong gift. When many of us hear this, it evokes images of parental lectures about the value of a dollar and mowing lawns for a few bucks. It goes beyond that, however. Really weaving an understanding about money and how to handle it is something parents need to do deliberately. Helping your kids learn how to handle money also helps them become more independent.

Here are some suggestions on how to help your kids become money smart.

Watch What You Say and Do

Just when you think they’re not listening, children pick up on things you say and do. If you are always complaining about money, for instance, your children may pick up on this and develop a skewed idea of what money is and does.

Be aware of what your child sees you doing, too. If you always pay for things by credit card or by getting cash from the ATM, take a moment or two to explain to your child what’s really going on. Real money still has to pay for those things; plastic cards and machines don’t just give out money.

Include Your Kids

While it’s not a good idea to make your kids sit through a recitation of all your bills, try to include them in some of the financial goings-on around your home. As soon as your child can count, begin at the very beginning: teach them the names and values of coins. Seize the moment to point out realities about money – if your child complains about how much a parent works, explain that working is how we get money and money is what we need for food and clothes and toys.

Make It Real

For young children, playing “store” can be an important lesson not only in math but in money management. Using play money, set up a store and price items in your house appropriate to your child’s age level. Give her a certain amount of money, and show her how there are some things she has enough money to purchase and some things she can’t.

Earn It

One key to being money smart is learning to control impulse buying. This doesn’t mean that you never buy anything on impulse – sometimes an unexpected sale really is too good to pass up – but it does mean that impulse buying should not characterize how your child deals with money.

One way to help offset this tendency to be impulsive with money is to help your child earn and save up enough money to buy something special that he wants. In this day and age of credit cards, young people often get this backwards – buy the item now, pay later. Help them understand it the other way around.

It’s worth noting that you probably can’t expect your child to avoid credit cards and loans altogether. So teach her how to use these financial tools properly.

How to Teach Kids to Take Responsibility for Their Actions

It can be frustrating when your kids seem oblivious to the concept of personal responsibility. For some kids, this character trait comes more naturally than in others; it doesn’t mean something is wrong with a child who doesn’t grasp this concept easily. It simply means you need to teach him or her. But how?

First of all, it’s worth mentioning that parental expectations regarding their kids’ sense of responsibility need to be age-appropriate. While the ability to take responsibility varies among children, it’s generally considered unrealistic to expect young children, such as toddlers, to take full responsibility for what they’ve done.

So when does a sense of personal responsibility present itself in a child? Even the experts can’t settle the score on this one, as evidenced by the legal controversy that ensues when children under the age of 18 commit crimes. The courts may or may not try that particular “juvenile” as an adult.

All that to say, don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re not sure if your child is ready to grasp the concept! The important thing is to weave the lesson of personal responsibility into your everyday interactions with your kids. Here are some ideas on how to teach this important concept.

Consequences

Perhaps the most effective way to teach a child to take responsibility for his actions is to enact consequences. This is not the same as punishment; in fact, many experts view consequences as more effective and true to life than simple punishment.

Consider this real-life scenario: if your boss catches you stealing money from the company, she’s not going to hit you until you stop doing it! Rather, you’ll suffer a consequence: the loss of your job and possible jail time. So consequences have a tendency to speak louder than punishments.

Consequences need to be consistent to be effective, experts say. They should also fit the “crime.” Appropriate consequences might include taking away privileges (this also helps kids to understand that pleasures such as TV time are not rights) and/or toys.

Tough Love

Sometimes, teaching responsibility means a parent has to watch his or her child become upset, angry, or frustrated. This can be hard to witness, and sometimes a parent just wants to make everything better and the child happy. But happiness is not the only feeling that is valid! Humans feel all kinds of emotions in their lives, and it’s unrealistic to expect happiness all the time.

Parents have to remind themselves of this sometimes when a consequence causes upset, whether it’s the removal of a toy for a young child or not giving your child more money because she irresponsibly spent the money you did give her. Being firm with the consequences and getting through the negative feelings tend to make it easier the next time, because your child is learning to take responsibility for his actions.
learning to take responsibility for their actions.

Top Tips to Keeping Your Kids Safe When Home Alone

While some states have laws about the minimum age a child can be left home alone without it being considered neglect, you the parent are probably the best judge of when your child is ready for this milestone.

Your child should be able to perform basic self-maintenance tasks on his own, such as getting a snack and drink, answering the phone, and washing his hands. Beyond this, there’s the safety issue. Here are some tips on how to keep your child safe when he or she is home alone.

Make a Plan

First of all, make a plan and establish a routine for your child’s time alone. Include the tips listed below and anything else you think of. The plan should include an emergency plan, such as what your child should do in case of natural disaster, fire, or other emergency.

Answering the Door and Telephone

As you make your plan for your child’s time alone, practice answering the door and telephone. Teach your child to take messages if you like, or if you have caller ID, you could tell your child not to pick up the phone unless it’s you calling or someone she knows.

Answering the door has more potential for danger. You might want to instruct your child simply not to answer the door at all while you’re gone, or give him a list of people who are safe. Be sure to tell your child if there are any exceptions – if you’re expecting a neighbor to come over and drop something off when just your child is home, for example.

Friends Allowed

If it’s okay with you and the other child’s parent(s), you might want to arrange to let your child’s friend come over during your absence. Make sure these arrangements are clear and made ahead of time, and let your child know that no other friends are allowed to come over at that time except the pre-approved one.

Call and Check In

Call your child and check up on him frequently, making sure he knows to call you back if he can’t get to the phone when you call. Consider giving your child a cell phone to have “on him” at all times.

Emergency Numbers

Speaking of telephones, keep a list of important phone numbers where your child can easily see them. This should include (at least) 911, key family members or friends, and the poison control center.

Interviewing a Daycare – Checklist

You want your child to have the best care possible while you are away during the day, so naturally you want the optimal daycare situation. To find the best fit for you and your child, there are some things to look for. Here is a partial checklist to help you get started.

The Unannounced Visit

Visit the prospective daycare(s) without calling first to make an appointment. Note the reaction of the caregivers – are they glad to see you? Do they welcome you in and invite your observation? It’s a positive sign if they do. Caregivers who seem uncomfortable with your visit and are generally unwelcoming may not be a good sign.

How Many Caregivers?

While you’re visiting, note the caregiver to child ratio. Most sources agree that there should be at least one caregiver for every five or six children. Ask about how often the caregivers leave or change, and ask how long the current caregivers have been there.

Phone Interviews

As you call various daycares seeking information, here are some things to consider asking and observing:

* Did your phone call get answered quickly and courteously?

* If no one answered, was there an efficient phone message system? Did you get a return call? (It might help to keep a list of daycares you’ve called and a note about their response or pending response to your call.)

* Does the person who answers the phone seem knowledgeable and helpful?

Credentials

Look for or ask about certifications and accreditations of the daycare. Find out if the caregivers are certified in basic CPR and first aid. It’s also a good idea to check and see if the daycare is licensed by your local government. Research the facility and see if any complaints have been filed against it, or if they have been in violation of any health and/or safety codes.

References

As you research various daycares, talk to people who use them and find out what they think. Ask for references when you communicate with the caregivers and directors of the daycare.

Emergencies

Find out what the daycare’s plan is for an emergency. How will they get a hold of the parent(s)? What is the plan for safety in case of fire or natural disaster?

Schedule

Ask what kind of schedule the daycare keeps. Naps, snacks, activities and meals should be at times that are compatible with you and your little one. Find out how late the daycare is open; things happen, and you need to know what the plan is if you end up getting there late to pick up your child. If you need to drop your child off early, find out if that’s okay, too, and the earliest drop-off time.

Note the caregivers’ flexibility regarding scheduling, too – if it’s too rigid, your child may not get his or her needs met because it’s not “time” yet.

Health

What kinds of foods are served at the daycare? For babies who drink formula or breastmilk, this may not be such a big deal; but you probably want to make sure your older baby or toddler is not being fed unhealthy foods all day.