The Darwin Awards – Why (Most) Women Are Too Forward Thinking to Win Them

There are those who seek. Those who strive. Those who break new ground. And then there are those, who… well. They screw up. A lot of really stupid things happen in this world, and there are a lot of really stupid people. But there are a select, exceptional few that go above and beyond the ordinary. For these impressive few, there are no limits — there are no heights to which they will not seek to climb, no depths to which they will not travel, no experiment untested.

Just like Homer Simpson, that fateful day in which he got his arm stuck in a vending machine for hours because he would not let go of the candy bar in his hand, there are others who have achieved similar heights of… stupidity. And these people don’t go uncelebrated, thanks to the Darwin Awards.

The Darwin Awards began in 1985. Named after Charles Darwin, who developed the theory of evolution, the Darwin Awards are awarded annually to honor those who have best displayed Darwin’s theory of evolution by, according to Wikipedia, “self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization via their own (unnecessarily foolish) actions.” The requirements to win a Darwin Award are the following:

* Inability to produce – The nominee must be dead or sterile.

* Excellence – The candidate must display “astoundingly stupid judgement” via incredibly foolish feats.

* Self-selection – The nominee must contribute to their own demise.

* Maturity – The candidate should be capable of sound judgement. (That’s not to say that he or she actually displayed it on this particular feat.)

* Veracity – The tale of excellence must be true. There have been quite a few internet emails circulating about Darwin Award winners that turned out not to be true.

Perhaps it won’t surprise you that the majority of Darwin Award winners are men. Why so few women? Is this yet another glass ceiling, old boy network that women need to organize together to burst through? Well, in recent years the book of Darwin Award winners has been put together by a woman, Wendy Northcutt. So it’s not that women aren’t involved.

Is this a case of a man-hating woman spitefully organizing a collection of the stupid deeds of men? Well, the Darwin Awards stemmed from an 80s usenet newsgroup discussion, one that wasn’t women only. Hmmm. Could it be that women are simply too forward thinking to win the lottery and then go on a marijuana-and-meth binge that results in blowing up the house?

There are women who have won the Darwin Awards. They won for incidents such as not waiting for a free shuttle bus to a parking lot after a concert, choosing instead a mad dash across a seven-lane interstate – during a raging thunderstorm. Another woman won – a biology teacher who happened to have several different types of chemicals in her car. She and her friends poured them into the sewer drain and it exploded, severing her head.

While the severed head example does fall into the category of “excellence,” one can argue that at least she was a biology teacher. The concert women were in a hurry. Another candidate that didn’t win was annoyed that the men in her life weren’t listening to her so she cut the cord on the TV and created an explosion that knocked her across the room.

However, the vast majority of Darwin Award winners are men. Gals — this is one honor that we can just leave to the men. They like attention. They do spectacular things. Let’s allow them to receive the recognition they so deserve. 😉