Setting Realistic Expectations for Your Child
Children will do what is expected of them. If you set high expectations for your children, they will generally live up to those expectations. Expect very little of them and they will give you very little. As a parent, it is important to find the right balance of setting expectations that are high without setting your child up for failure or causing undue stress on them when they are unable to reach those expectations. Here are a few things to consider when setting those high expectations for your child.
Your child is an individual. Look at your own child’s strengths and weakness, interests and talents. Set your expectations based on the individual. There are many charts, averages, statistics and data that are out there to tell you what the average child of a given age should be able to do, but no child is simply average. They are all unique. Most children do not fit neatly into any given mold and their unique abilities should be considered when you are setting high standards for them. Consider developmental norms along the way, but remember that your child is one of a kind.
Don’t set your expectations based on yourself. You may have been lousy at math as a child, so you subconsciously expect your child to be lousy at it too. Your child will undoubtedly live up to that expectation. This really relates to looking at your child as an individual. It is important to avoid setting expectations that are too low simply because something was difficult for you as a child.
Give clear expectations for the long term and set milestones along the way. Show your child what is expected for the future. Perhaps going to college is a long-term expectation, but be sure to break the long-term goal into short-term goals along the way. For example, strive to maintain good grades and complete homework assignments regularly. Celebrate the short-term achievements and allow your child to enjoy the success. They will learn that they are able to reach the expectations that have been set for them.
Don’t create an all-or-nothing attitude. While it is important to set high expectations for your child, let him (or her) know that falling a little short of them doesn’t mean he is a failure. When you reach for high standards, you still make great progress, even if you don’t exactly hit the mark. The work that took place while reaching for those standards is valuable in itself. Praise your child for the effort and the accomplishments reached along the way.
Parents who set high expectations, communicate those expectations clearly, and encourage their children to reach for them along the way do a great service for their children. Their children learn that they can do more than they may think, hard work pays off, and they are loved no matter what they do.