Keeping Your Friends after You Get Married

Many people are unaware that their friendships will undergo some changes once they’re married. It can be difficult to find time to spend with friends once you’re settled down, and even more so if you start a family right away. If you have friends of the opposite sex, it poses some other complications, too.

Here are some tips for keeping your friends after you get married.

1. Things Are Different

Whether you like it or not, things are different now. You’re not a single guy/girl anymore, and you have more responsibilities as a married person than you did when you were single. You have to look out for more than number one, in other words!

Some friends may not understand this, and may drift away because you’re “not the same.” Trying to be like you once were in order to keep this friend will only stress you out. The best thing to do is recognize that yes, things are different, and if your friends can’t accept that, it’s not your issue to fix.

2. Opposite-Sex Friends

This is a somewhat touchy subject, and the ultimate decision as to whether or not you even have opposite-sex friendships in a marriage is up to the couple. Some people find it acceptable if the opposite-sex friend is also married – then you get into “couple friend” territory, which many people find more tolerable than single opposite-sex friends.

This is definitely one where you need to work it out with your spouse, and be willing to give up some friendships for the sake of your marriage if necessary.

3. Isolation Is Not Good

If you find yourself not having friends at all after you get married, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart with your spouse and even seek counseling. An over-controlling spouse, for instance, may want to be the center of your world all the time, and not understand that you need friendships, too. A spouse can’t be everything! So watch for signs of isolation and try to preserve those friendships while there’s time.

4. What Do You Want?

Remember “you”? That person who’s caught between the needs of a spouse and the needs of his/her friends? A good strategy is to sit down and decide what you want. How important are your friends to you? Do you prefer a lot of acquaintances or just a few close confidantes? Be honest about what you want. If you really do want to scale back on your time with friends, fine. If not, then go ahead and schedule some friend time.

5. Don’t Gloat

Sometimes, friends drift away after you’re married because they’re jealous. Keep it low-key – don’t go on and on about how wonderful it is to be married. Just have your friend over and talk about other subjects.

While it’s not possible for things to remain the exact same way with your friends after you get married, there are steps you can take to help forge new friendships and preserve some of the old ones.