How to Tell Your Kids about Your Marriage Break-Up

Many parents dread trying to tell their children about their pending break-up. They are right to be concerned – divorce does affect children, as multiple studies and experiences have shown. But done thoughtfully and with appropriate follow-up, the news about your marriage break-up does not have to be the end of your child’s world. It could even be the gateway toward greater security for your child.

Here are some tips on how to tell your child about your marriage break-up.

Do It Together

While being together may not by what you really want to be right now, sources say it’s important for your child that you present a united front. This should help prevent the child from pitting one parent against the other, or trying to manipulate both parents. If the child sees that you are (perhaps ironically) together on this, then your child will hopefully not see any point in trying to get manipulative.

If the dynamics are such that you can’t tell your children together, then try at least to agree on a similar message to the child/children. That way, even if you are talking to your kids at separate times, you will be saying essentially the same things.

Honesty

While you probably don’t want to lay a bunch of heavy reality on your kids’ heads (especially if they are very young), it is a good idea to let them know there will be some changes. Temper this news with reassurance of both parents’ love for your child(ren). Your children will need to know that the break-up is not their fault, which may take much reminding on the part of the parents.

Keep It Simple and Objective

As you tell your children about the break-up, it’s probably not a good idea to have a big emotional breakdown while doing it. Try to be up-front, objective, and positive in your presentation. After all, it’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it.

Have Ready Answers

You know your child(ren) well – try to anticipate their concerns and have ready answers. Your child may ask if he or she will still get to live in the same house, or which parents he/she will live with. Your child may also ask if you both still love him/her. Being able to anticipate questions and have a ready answer should help your child feel more secure.