Helping the Adult Child Face the Loss of a Parent’s Independence

When an aging parent loses his or her independence, it can be very challenging for the adult child or children who are caring for them. It’s tough to find some kind of balance in your life when your parent needs you. After all, the loss of your parent’s independence means that he or she now depends on you.

In addition, it can cause a lot of emotional stress to deal with parental dependence. Your schedule gets rearranged, and you may feel like your life is on hold.

Getting support and researching coping mechanisms are important. Here are some tips and ideas for coping with the loss of a parent’s independence.

1. Ask for Help

It’s hard to ask for help; there’s no doubt about it. But it is essential if you want some sort of balance in your life as you care for your parent(s). A good place to start is with other family members. If that doesn’t work, friends and neighbors can also be of help. If you attend a house of worship, your religious community is another resource.

When you do ask for help, try to be specific. For example, ask someone to go to the grocery store for you once a week, or pick up prescriptions. Avoid vague requests like “I just need some help caring for Mom/Dad.”

2. Adopt a Healthy Lifestyle

Healthy lifestyle choices can go a long way toward restoring balance to you and your parent. Regular exercise and a healthy diet puts everyone in a better mood to deal with problems, and may even relieve some health problems that are worsening the loss of independence.

3. Make Plans

You don’t have to micromanage every minute, but planning out your weeks and day-to-day activities can help a great deal. Allow time for your parent to do some things independently, like getting ready to go to the doctor or get dressed. Once you see your schedule on paper, it puts you more in control of how you spend your time. And you can carve out some for yourself.

Making long-term plans is important, too. As unpleasant as it is to discuss, you need to make sure that your parent receives care in case you predecease them, and you also need to have a plan for long-term nursing care. Being prepared can go a long way toward keeping your life from being knocked off balance by the unexpected.

4. Consider Therapy, Counseling, or a Support Group

There’s no shame in seeking support from a therapist or counselor, and joining a support group can be a great way to get advice and understanding from others. Connecting with others and being able to “vent” about the situation helps keep you from feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

There’s no doubt that it’s a challenging road when you’re caring for parents who have lost their independence. But take some time to accept the situation, make a plan, and find support. You’ll be glad you did, and so will your parent.