After Divorce: Are you Ready to Date Again?
Deciding when or if to date again after divorce is not always easy. It can be a very difficult decision, made more difficult by various roadblocks like personal guilt. Here are some ideas to help you know if you are ready to get back in the saddle again.
Is Your Anger Resolved?
Divorce can make you feel very angry, depending on the circumstances surrounding it. This is certainly natural and understandable, and experts point to the “angry phase” as a healthy part of healing. But it should be just that – a phase. Experts say you should make peace with your situation and whatever it was that caused the divorce before moving on to dating again.
Don’t Rush the Grieving Process
You may have friends and family who are pushing you into dating, and even though they are probably well meaning, only you can really know when you are through grieving. It’s only natural to grieve the loss of a marriage, and jumping back into dating without letting that grief work itself out is probably not a good idea. Unresolved grief has a way of coming out in ugly ways if it’s not dealt with.
Verdict: Not Guilty
Regardless of how your marriage ended, you may feel guilty. Some people feel slight guilt, while others may find it debilitating. As part of the healing process, though, it’s good to get rid of the guilt. Even if you were “guilty” of the marriage’s end, experts say you should forgive yourself. You can’t go back and change things, so part of moving forward is declaring yourself “not guilty.” When you really feel like you are free from guilt, that may be a sign that you’re ready to start dating again.
Taking Responsibility
While beating yourself up over past mistakes is only detrimental, learning to take responsibility for the fact that your marriage ended can help you learn from the past. It’s healthy to acknowledge that you made some mistakes, and rather than guilt-tripping yourself, just use those mistakes to learn how to do it better next time.
Are You Over Him/Her?
Sometimes dating can help you get over an ex-spouse, but sources say it’s probably better to get over your ex before moving on. If you find that you can’t stop thinking about your ex – whether good or bad – then it’s probably time to work on moving forward. Obsessing over your ex will only hamper your dating efforts.